Sunday, July 30, 2006

Jack the Zipper’s SQUEALER: VCA Pictures

The ‘film’ starts out in this haunted creepy way, like we are watching a real movie. They draw out the titles at the beginning, which is kind of long and boring. Once you get to the film, which is supposed to be all creepy, these four women (represented by all food groups: redhead, blonde, brunette and black hair) are all dressed in 2005’s version of 30’s clothing–lots of garter belts and knee length skirts. The women are attractive enough to get off on, but not in most scenes. After a while of pawing at each other, these mysterious men show up. Again, this is supposed to be scary, the music is telling me to be scared, but the girls aren’t scared–even when they are trying. There is some ‘rough fucking,’ hair pulling, and dick sucking. We are in foursome country here. Now, I like to watch rough sex as much as the next guy, but it may be too much when the chick pukes on the floor because random cock dude is face fucking her so hard that tears are streaming down and her gag reflexes fail. Boo. I guess my line is drawn at puking…

Next thing you know the girls are tied up and trying to get free. Supposed to be bondagey. If there was a story I wasn’t really following it. Oh yeah, there is no real talking in this movie aside from the pasty boney redheaded drug addict girl saying, “Fuck that ass.” But then, she does get her asshole double penetrated. Which is a sight to see. It becomes her thing, having it done in multiple scenes.

Next scene finds the redhead in the trunk of a car with all her clothes on and is tied up. She is trying desperately to act and get away from this guy who is trying to act like he is interested in catching her. All in all, this would-be rape scene is not very interesting or scary. But at least it could have been. I absolutely hate rape scenes in movies, especially when you have feelings for the characters and watch an atrocity happen to them and break their spirit a la Leaving Las Vegas. But I was interested in seeing what a rape scene in a porn might look like, when I do not care about the characters, when the whole point of watching it is to get off, etc. Many things were wrong with it. For one, she is not struggling that hard, which really goes back to the fact that she is a terrible actress and not really a good porn star. She is boring to watch and creepy to look at. The next, is he is not really trying either. All in all a really fake rape scene. Boring.

After that, we have blonde girl and one of the dark haired women in a dirty shack looking thing with a mattress. After a few minutes of playing slap and tickle the brunette takes the plastic off the random mattress and puts it over the blonde in a sort of gasping way that looks more ridiculous than sexy or for the purposes of getting off.

This leads us into a whole new random dirty building that supposedly has a basement where these girls are now being kept as ‘prisoners.’ The faceless men (in army fatigues) let the women out for sex and pawing. There is a weird basket swing one of the women is in, and you can only see her neck and head until they pan down to the basket and then her vagina. She is having sex with random faceless dude, bouncing in this basket swing thing, which is also ridiculous, though at one point, he does spin her around on his dick.

Then I was bored. This movie is lacking what it really potentially had going for it–the scary movie idea. The music was there, the intention was there, and they even had good ideas for scenes. I know what you are going to say, “porn and acting are not the same thing.” But if you really think about it those girls have to do a fair amount of work. They are put in awkward situations all the time with the uncomfortable positions and the ugly dudes they have to do for money. Or maybe, they got so good at acting like they like the sex, they can no longer act like they don’t. Wait. That is not true either. They just look bored. And them being bored made me bored.

– Z.


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